Causes

Your Own Mind

Our thoughts shape our reality to a surprising degree, and I’m not talking about some crystals-and-bird-bones manifesting mumbo-jumbo. I’m talking about the stories we tell ourselves to make sense of the world. Especially as kids, we have a tendency to blame ourselves for the mistreatment we experience or even the trauma response itself. If we tell ourselves that we’re shameful, deficient, weak, or broken, it becomes harder to ever believe anything else, and easier to keep being hurt in the same way. The outside world can certainly hurt us; but it’s got nothing on our ability to hurt ourselves.

This isn’t victim-blaming. It’s not your fault that something terrible happened to you, and it’s not your fault that you internalized it. We’re storytelling and pattern-recognizing machines who believe we have more power  than we really do; that’s just how the human brain works. But once you know how it works, you can make it work for you.

PTSD

Post-traumatic stress disorder is the final boss of this form of negative autobiography. People with PTSD have developed a deep, rigid, and often subconscious “stuck point” — a highly emotional but inaccurate mantra that plays on a loop in their mind. Beliefs like “It’s all my fault,” “I can’t trust anyone,” and “The world’s out to get me” become so ingrained that they feel like fundamental truths of the universe, making it harder than ever to shed the hopelessness and start the healing.

What Makes the Difference?

If it’s all about perspective, then why will 10 guys react differently to the same traumatic event? Some guys are naturally more resilient, and others are more primed to experience a trauma response. But I can’t stress enough that this isn’t a matter of personal character. Are you less of a man if you have an overactive amygdala, or more of a man for being born into a large, supportive family? Of course not — those are just the cards you were dealt.
Unfortunately, the way we experience trauma is largely due to factors outside our control. Fortunately, the ones in our control can help us heal from it.

What Counts As Trauma?

In Greek, “trauma” literally means “wound,” and you’re probably more comfortable thinking of it in a blood-and-guts context — like blunt force trauma, traumatic brain injuries, the trauma center of a hospital. Men don’t tend to think of physical injuries as being a sign of weakness, but when it comes to mental wounds, we feel like we aren’t supposed to even acknowledge the pain.

Wounds are wounds, regardless of how they were inflicted. Some heal on their own, and some get infected. Some form badass scar tissue, while others need major rehab just to be functional again.

When you experience significant emotional pain, that counts as trauma. But just like with physical wounds, what counts as “significant” isn’t the same for everyone. Getting bonked by a frisbee normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but what if it hits you in the jewels on your way home from a vasectomy? Similarly, an otherwise “harmless” joke could be traumatic for someone who’s been ridiculed his whole life. Context makes all the difference.

Types of Trauma

Childhood Trauma

Kids may be resilient, but they’re not made of steel. Come to think of it, the Man of Steel himself probably had plenty of childhood trauma to work through.

In addition to things like natural disasters or medical emergencies, childhood trauma usually breaks down into three categories:

• Things that were done to the child which shouldn’t have been (abuse)
• Things that should have been done for the child but weren’t (neglect)
• Things the child did to someone else which they shouldn't have

With childhood trauma, the worst damage often comes from not having support in the aftermath of a tragedy. If a child survives abuse or a life-threatening situation and immediately receives love, care, and trust from their family, they’re less likely to suffer long-term trauma symptoms than if they were disbelieved or abandoned at their most vulnerable moment.

Trauma can also cause a tremendous amount of stress for a child, which can hinder the development of their brain and nervous system. 

Sexual Trauma

Let’s clear something up right now — anybody can be sexually assaulted, and nobody is supposed to just deal with it. Being abused doesn’t have anything to do with your strength, power, sexuality, or manliness. Actor Terry Crews shattered all those stereotypes when he came forward about being sexually assaulted early in his career. Just try to tell me that you’re more manly than Terry Crews. Didn’t think so.

Violent Trauma

Sometimes the invisible injuries are the most lasting and painful effects of surviving physical violence. Whether it’s one violent episode or the whole box set, being attacked is likely to make you feel unsafe, destabilized, and fearful long after the immediate threat has passed.

For men especially, being a victim of violence can turn our entire self-image on its head, adding confusion, shame, and isolation to this toxic gumbo. Unsurprisingly, that leads a lot of us to downplay and under-report those incidents, which just contributes to the myth that real men don’t get victimized.

Military & First-Responder Trauma

Military members, firefighters, police, EMTs, paramedics, and other first responders are prime candidates to “see some shit.” They might even be involved in said shit. It’s a responsibility that not everyone’s cut out for, and the rest of us are deeply in debt to those who shoulder the burden.

Unfortunately, the culture in these professions is often one of teeth-gritting and bottle-hitting. When you’re exposed to potentially traumatic stimuli on a daily basis, it’s especially important to monitor your mental health, acknowledge and accommodate your traumas, cultivate a rock-solid support system, and know when to call it quits.

Vicarious Trauma

You don’t have to experience a tragedy firsthand to be affected by it. In our hyper-online lives, we’re exposed to a constant stream of war reporting, mass shootings, violent confrontations, and existential threats of every flavor. Our brains weren’t built to take in so many peripheral threats, and overexposure can easily make us overwhelmed.

Also, witnessing a traumatic event or hearing from someone who was there can be just as rattling as getting your own hands dirty.

Find Some Professional Help

If you choose to find a local therapist — which I can’t recommend enough — they’ll help you access even more trauma-trouncing options, like cognitive processing therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, imaginal exposure, and research-backed brain-hacking therapies like EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing).