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When worry grabs you by the balls
In our macho daydreams, we swagger away from explosions. We’re ready with the sharpest comeback, the suavest pick-up line, and the heart rate of a Navy SEAL on a spa day. Better keep dreaming friend — because that ain’t reality. In the real world, approximately 8 million American men live with an anxiety disorder. And I'm not just talking about the sweaty palms, stomach butterflies, or difficulty breathing every time you have to speak in public or call your father-in-law. Feelings of worry, stress, and fear can start small before ratcheting up to the point that they interfere with your ability to work, maintain relationships, and even get a decent night's sleep.
A little anxiety keeps you on your toes, but too much will bring anyone to their knees. Keep reading, and I’ll show you how to recognize when you’re feeling anxious, what causes it in the first place, and how sometimes this curse can be its own cure.
What to Look out For
There are many mental and physical signs of anxiety.
Like most disorders, anxiety exists on a continuum — from minor annoyance to five-alarm incapacitation. Just like depression, anxiety is something that nearly everyone has experienced to some degree. It’s a core part of the human condition to worry, whether about a mountain lion attack or facing a daunting challenge. When you have the same anxiety response to a phone call as you would to a predator, you’re taking an unnecessary toll on your mind and body.
A “healthy fear” of dangers is just that, healthy. But when it crosses over to interfering with your day, day in and day out, it’s time to take action. Below, I’ve outlined some of the physical and psychological symptoms of anxiety, so you can be on the lookout for signs that your sympathetic nervous system is overwhelming your better senses.
Physical:
- Pounding heart
- Excessive sweating
- Choking sensations
- Shortness of breath
- Narrowing of vision
- Hot flashes or chills
- Dizziness
- Insomnia and exhaustion
- Panic attacks
Mental & Emotional:
- Feelings of dread
- Thinking you’re in danger of stroke/heart attack
- Concentration problems
- Absentmindedness
- Inner tension and nervousness
- Catastrophic thinking
- Irritability or edginess
- Hypervigilance toward danger
- Fear of losing control
- Avoidance of upsetting stimuli
- Self-isolation
ANXIETY IN MEN VS. WOMEN
By far, the biggest difference in how men and women experience anxiety is that men often refuse to acknowledge it. They think of anxiety as a failure of fortitude… they tell themselves that “real men” don’t suffer from paralyzing fear or self-doubt, so they should just buck up and get over it. And I get it.
The Marlboro Man and Wolverine have warped our idea of manliness into a hardened, callous “tough-guy” image, with no room for the vulnerability that real men deal with on a daily basis. Because men tend to downplay or deny their anxiety, they struggle more than women with asking for help. Instead, they turn to quick-fixes like alcohol or drugs, or they pour their nervous energy into physical activity (which can actually be a good thing… in moderation). Men also frequently turn aggressive or angry when their anxiety becomes too much to bear, whereas women tend to be more comfortable expressing sadness, insecurity, and a need for comfort.
But no matter what your coping mechanism is, nothing will be as effective as honestly grappling with the problem. If men like us stand a chance of overcoming our anxiety, we have to do the bravest thing of all: admit it, and then do something about it.
Why do you Fret?
There are almost as many types of anxiety as there are items on the Cheesecake Factory menu.
Anxieties are as unique as the men who harbor them, so it’s no surprise that we’ve developed several different buckets to help keep them organized. Some anxieties respond to a specific trigger, while others are more general.
Even though all types of anxiety stem from the same root issue of maladaptive stress, the better you’re able to pinpoint your unique style of fretting, the more luck you’ll have overcoming it.
What Causes Anxiety?
Anxiety is an evolutionary gift that kept our ancestors from traipsing off into the jungle naked and unarmed. Even social anxiety can be traced back to our need to reduce conflict and develop group norms. Anxiety makes us focus on potential threats, which is great — until we start focusing on the wrong stuff.
Our anxiety response can get hijacked by a number of things, but stress appears to play a major role in almost all anxiety sufferers. That's because stress can lead to an imbalance of anxiety-regulating neurotransmitters (a fancy word for brain chemicals), such as noradrenaline, serotonin, and gamma-aminobutyric acid. When these chemicals get out of whack, they can cause life-altering anxiety to take hold.
This causes us to start seeing life-or-death threats where there aren’t any. Our rational brain knows better, but our sympathetic nervous system (which controls our fight-or-flight response) insists that it’s go time.
What’s more, anxiety can easily become a self-perpetuating cycle by tricking your rational brain into believing anxiety is the best solution. Picture this: You’re nervous about a date, so you spend the entire run-up to it sweating and worrying and replaying all the worst-case scenarios in your mind. Then the date comes and goes, and it’s nowhere near as bad as you feared. Do you tell yourself that the date wasn’t worth worrying about in the first place? Maybe. But more likely, you incorrectly associate the stress with the outcome. You tell yourself that chewing your fingernails bloody made the date go well, when in reality it just made the anticipation more miserable.
These dysfunctional cycles aren’t likely to go away on their own. But with some help, you can finally turn the tables and make anxiety afraid of you.
Types of Anxiety
General Anxiety Disorder
Sufferers experience excessive worry and tension — even if there’s nothing rational to worry about.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
People suffering from PTSD experience long-lasting memories of traumatic events, such as fleeing a natural disaster or being sexually assaulted. Their inability to escape these intense memories makes them emotionally numb and anxious.
Social Anxiety Disorder
Social anxiety causes overwhelming worry and self-consciousness about everyday social situations and interactions.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
OCD causes the sufferer to experience constant anxiety and fears that cause them to perform certain rituals or routines.
Panic Disorder
Panic attacks can send people into an intense experience of terror suddenly and without warning. Symptoms can resemble those of a heart attack or a stroke, but it’s not.
Specific Phobias
Sufferers have an intense, irrational fear of a specific object or situation.
Treating Anxiety
A lot of guys treat anxiety like they treat a dog begging for a pork chop: ignore it and hope it goes away.
Unfortunately, that strategy rarely works. If left untreated, anxiety will not only get worse — it may lead to a bunch of other nasty mental and physical issues, including heart disease.
If your anxiety is relatively mild, you may be able to reduce it through introspection and lifestyle changes. If it’s more severe, it’ll require some professional intervention. Either way, it all starts with understanding yourself and your reactions better. Here are a few time-honored tricks to try.
Sometimes it Takes a Pro
Some types of anxiety require a professional’s skills and tools, like cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, or medication. Reach out to a professional therapist in your area to take the next step toward an anxiety-free future. What do you have to worry about?
Man Therapy Provider Directory
Find a real life man-therapist.
We have partnered with real life professionals who specialize in men’s issues. Talking with a specialist can be way more efficient than googling symptoms. Browse and find one that sounds right for you; they’re ready for whatever you’ll throw at them.
Other Methods
Besides therapy, men can tackle depression with some of these other tactics that are as manly as wrestling a grizzly bear... but safer. Picture this: instead of bottling up those feelings like a shaken soda can ready to explode, try out one, or some, of the following mood-boosting maneuvers!
Acknowledge That Anxiety F***ing Sucks
Once you get a good look at anxiety itself, you’ll realize just how awful it really is. Remember how our brains can trick us into thinking that anxiety is the solution rather than the problem? That’s because when we look back, we forget how miserable being anxious felt. When you’re feeling anxious, follow the process above to step back from your anxiety, and then really look at it. See how queasy it makes you feel; how it digs your thoughts into a rut; how it makes your palms slippery and your throat tight and your patience evaporate like spit on an engine block. Is that really how you want to be feeling right now?
Recognizing this won’t fix things immediately. But over time, it will help convince your brain that anxiety isn’t worth relying on after all.
Play the Reframe Game
The symptoms of anxiety can feel terrible, but if you think about it, some of them seem suspiciously like… excitement. As you wait in line for a rollercoaster, doesn’t your pulse start to pound? Sometimes, all that stands between anxiety and excitement is the story we tell ourselves. As you get ready to step out on stage, you can tell yourself that you’re anxious, or you can tell yourself that you’re pumped up and that energy is going to turn into you delivering a powerful speech. A little bit of storytelling goes a long way, and soon you might find that you’ve learned to enjoy the anticipation almost as much as you dreaded the anxiety.
Try Self-Care
Staying healthy and active, journaling, meditating, doing breathing exercises, and spending time with loved ones are all ways to infuse some positivity into your day, leaving fewer hours available for stress. Anxiety and depression tend to make us neglect the good things in life, which just makes our issues worse. Force yourself out of your routine so you can remember, just for a moment, what your best life feels like. While you’re at it, try cutting down on alcohol and drugs, which are notorious for exacerbating problems while pretending to solve them.
Remember That You Are Not Your Anxiety
The next time you’re feeling anxious (about something that’s not a realistic threat… if your clothes are on fire, deal with that first), take a deep breath and tell yourself: “I notice that there’s a part of me that feels anxious.” When anxiety flares up, it’s easy to get subsumed by it and forget that it’s just another emotion washing over you. It’s not you. Holding the anxiety at arm’s length allows you to turn it around and examine it properly, which is important for the next step.
Not Enough Yet?
Don't worry, there's more!
I’ve hand-selected a wide variety of resources to help you take control of your anxiety once and for all. But before you do anything else, repeat after me: Ommmmm.
Below, you’ll find an office chock-full of Gentlemental Health guides just like this one as well as other in-person and online community resources to leverage for your own mental health and to share with other guys who need a hand. Let’s dive in.
Suggested Resources
Maybe it’s time to practice breathing exercises or journaling, or to make an appointment with a trained therapist near you. Check out the resources I’ve handpicked below; you can’t go wrong.
There’s more meat on the mental health bone. try dr. rich’sMental health plan builder.
Gentlemental Health 101
Improving your mental health means taking charge of every aspect of your world. Mental health issues are often interconnected, so explore how other areas of your life can impact each other and get your brain and life into tip-top shape.