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The storm before the calm
Think of anger like a chainsaw — even when it’s the right tool for the job, it can be deadly if you don’t keep it under control. Anger, managed well, can give you that manly resolve to stand up to bullies or fight for justice, but rage is just a force for destruction. If you’re going to wield your anger responsibly, you should know where it comes from and what you want it to accomplish. Understanding the root cause — such as fear, shame, hopelessness, jealousy, etc. — will help you master your emotions so you can chop down the tree without losing a limb.
What to Look out for
There are many mental and physical signs of anger.
When we feel overwhelmed or helpless, anger gives us a quick and easy way to redirect our discomfort outward and feel something other than stressed out or ashamed for a change. That’s why it’s crucial to watch for signs of anger issues in yourself—catching them early helps you tackle the root of the problem before it spirals out of control.
Physical
- Pounding heart
- Muscle tension
- Changes in breathing
- Body tremors
- Goosebumps
- Flushed face
- Clenched fists
- Melancholy and depression
- Low frustration tolerance
Mental & Emotional
- Loss of emotional control
- Inability to face reality
- Avoidance of stressful people/situations
- Jealousy and resentfulness
- Unreasonable expectations
- Dominating behavior
- Violent impulses
- Dangerous behaviors
- Suicidal tendencies
Why do men get Angry?
Men get mad for a lot of very valid reasons, and not just because their favorite sports team lost, they can't find the remote, or they were brave enough to venture into the bathroom and discover there's no toilet paper.
Anger under the right circumstances can be a sign of a healthy spine. If it grinds your gears to see people mistreated, you’re more likely to step up and get involved. But if you have a meltdown every time your Bluetooth disconnects, there’s something else going on.
Anger is often caused by how men think and interpret situations. The following are types of thinking that can cause irrational anger.
Externalizing Other Emotions
When we feel overwhelmed or helpless, anger gives us a quick and easy way to redirect our discomfort outward and feel something other than stressed out or ashamed for a change.
Emotional Reasoning
If you think you’re a totally logical creature, I hate to break it to you… you’re not. You’re a human, and humans come with emotions. Sometimes those emotions can muddy the difference between feeling and fact, making it easy to interpret an innocent conversation or event as a personal attack. And who wouldn’t get angry when they feel attacked?. Tell the other person how you’re feeling, and don’t be afraid to take a quick break so your survival instinct has a chance to cool down.
Low Frustration Tolerance
Many things can cause frustration tolerance to lower. It can be stress. It can be fatigue. It can be the mother of all hangovers. Regardless of the cause, a low frustration tolerance can lead us to interpret normal things as threats to our well-being or ego. Just like recognizing when you’re hangry (hunger-induced anger), being aware of your emotional state can help you avoid behaviors you wouldn’t be proud of under normal circumstances.
Unreasonable Expectations
Men with unreasonable expectations expect the world to act how they want it to. If a person, a machine, or a force of nature behaves differently than how we expect it to, it's easy for frustration and anger to set in. It helps to recalibrate often and remind yourself what’s fair to expect.
People-Rating
People-rating is something we all do to various degrees. When we label our boss an asshole or our brother-in-law an idiot, we’re actually de-humanizing them and making it easier to get angry with them. If we see them as flawed people just like you and me, we tend to cut them a little more slack.
Anger & The Brain
When you get angry, your brain triggers the release of cortisol, adrenaline, and catecholamine into your bloodstream. These chemicals give your heart the boost it needs to get you through dangerous situations, and they give your brain an intoxicating effect similar to a meth high. And if experienced too often, anger can become addictive.
Controlling anger
There are many valid ways of corralling your anger including taking deep breaths, counting to ten, and reminding yourself that throwing the TV remote won’t make the game’s score change.
Rage is dangerous. Not only could you damage property or destroy your relationships — you could also do serious damage to yourself or others. And I'm not just talking about bloody knuckles and black eyes. Excessive anger has been shown to raise blood pressure and even cause heart attacks.
There are a few tricks you can use to defuse your temper when you feel it about to blow. Meditation, breathing exercises, and even just putting your hands in your pockets and walking away to cool off are extremely effective methods of self-control.
If you believe that you are dealing with dysfunctional anger, it's important that you seek professional help. A therapist will likely work with you to determine the source of your anger and provide you with behavioral techniques you can use to disarm the rage before you explode like a stick of dynamite.
Seek Professional Support
Sometimes we think of therapy as the emergency exit when things go completely haywire or when we're wrestling with mental health conditions like depression. But here's the scoop: therapists and counselors are like emotional mechanics, trained to help us tune up and transform our feelings — big and small. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength. Don’t you owe it to yourself to at least give therapy a shot and see if it can help you craft an effective anger management game plan?
As Yoda might say, "Therapy you must try, help you it can." Remember, anger is a normal emotion. But if you feel like your anger is turning you into a volcano ready to blow, there are ways to cope and people who can help.
Man Therapy Provider Directory
Find a real life man-therapist.
We have partnered with real life professionals who specialize in men’s issues. Talking with a specialist can be way more efficient than googling symptoms. Browse and find one that sounds right for you; they’re ready for whatever you’ll throw at them.
Other Methods
Besides therapy, men can tackle anger with some tactics that are as manly as wrestling a grizzly bear... but safer. Picture this: instead of bottling up your rage like a shaken soda can ready to explode, try out one, or some, of these anger-busting maneuvers!
Relaxation and Self-Care
Our ongoing relaxation and self-care routine is like the secret sauce for our mental health and keeping our anger in check. Think about it: our reaction to anger is a mix of our current state of mind and whatever coping skills we’ve got in our toolbox. If we’re exhausted, frazzled, and ready to snap, anger’s going to pop up faster than a cranky baby needing a nap. But if we’re all zen inside, then things that would normally tick us off just slide right off.
So, find your chill-out activities — whether it’s exercise, long walks, meditation apps, or diving into a good book — and squeeze them into your schedule as often as you can. And don’t forget, getting enough sleep and ditching caffeine or anything that makes you jittery can also help keep your inner Hulk from making an appearance.
Reframing
One effective strategy for managing anger is called “cognitive restructuring.” Basically, it’s a fancy way of saying “talking back to that grumpy voice in your head” and giving it a more positive spin. For instance, if someone ignores your ideas in a meeting or interrupts you mid-sentence, your inner monologue might be yelling, “No one respects my genius around here!” Instead, try reframing it to, “Everyone’s super stressed and just trying to make an impression.”
Let’s break this down. While you might want to fire back instantly, sometimes it’s best to take a beat and process it later. Once you’ve cooled off a bit and reined in those initial angry reactions, you can reassess the situation. Are there times when people do value your opinion and listen to you? Yes. Does the person who interrupted always ignore your ideas? No. Could it be that everyone’s on edge because of those layoff rumors and trying to stand out? Probably. Anger often stems from how we think others are treating us, but it can say more about their issues than ours.
Avoid Triggers
One reason journaling is a powerful anger management tool is that scribbling about those big, annoying emotions can help you spot patterns and triggers. Do you turn into the Hulk on deadline day when everyone’s pestering you while you're trying to finish urgent work? Maybe you could put up a “Do Not Disturb” sign or hide in a more private spot. Do you turn into a rage monster every time you see a certain friend or family member? That might be a clue that the relationship is as healthy as a month-old sandwich, and you need to take a step back. Be a detective of your own life and watch how simply noticing these patterns can help you change them.
Problem Solving
Problem solving is especially handy for those recurring sources of anger. Do you start your morning mad because you always forget something and have to run back home, making you feel like a hamster on a wheel? Do you get ticked off daily by that one coworker who seems to have a PhD in making your job harder? Starting off your day like this can set a grumpy tone for everything that follows. Once you spot the pattern of when and why you get angry, you've got more options. For example, make a list of things you could do to tackle these specific anger triggers and play around with them to see which ones help keep your inner Hulk from showing up in the first place.
Want more?
What, that’s not enough for you? Good. We’re just getting started.
With everything you’ve learned about anger — what causes it, how it takes shape, and why it’s so damn hard to let go of — you’re more prepared than ever to take back control and make anger issues a thing of the past. Maybe it’s time to practice breathing exercises or journaling, or to make an appointment with a trained therapist near you. Take a look at the resources I’ve selected below; you can’t go wrong.
And like I said before, anger has a sneaky habit of masking something else that you’re not willing to face yet. Whether that something else is stress, depression, anxiety, or just bad sleep.
Below, you’ll find an office chock-full of Gentlemental Health guides just like this one as well as other resources to help you understand yourself better and become the best man you can be. Let’s dive in.
Suggested Resources
Maybe it’s time to practice breathing exercises or journaling, or to make an appointment with a trained therapist near you. Check out the resources I’ve handpicked below; you can’t go wrong.
There’s more meat on the mental health bone. try dr. rich’sMental health plan builder.
Gentlemental Health 101
Improving your mental health means taking charge of every aspect of your world. Mental health issues are often interconnected, so explore how other areas of your life can impact each other and get your brain and life into tip-top shape.